There comes a moment in the life of nearly every band when the music begins to change. The chemistry that once seemed effortless becomes strained. The creative energy that brought everyone together begins to fade. Sometimes the musicians recognize that they have grown in different directions, even though the memories of what they created together remain meaningful. What once felt like a perfect harmony no longer sounds quite the same.
I have been thinking about this quite a bit lately, particularly after recording the seventh episode of Real Riffs with my friend and thought partner, Dr. Donya Ball. For the first time, we recorded our conversation together in person at my home in North Carolina. What a joyful experience it was to sit across from a genuine bandmate and simply riff on leadership, life, and the lessons we continue to learn along the way.
I have always enjoyed podcasting with Donya, but there was something particularly meaningful about sharing the same space. The conversation flowed naturally, the laughter came easily, and the energy of being together reminded me of musicians gathering in a recording studio, exchanging ideas and seeing where the music takes them. We may need to find ourselves a studio! If anyone is interested in sponsoring a couple of leadership podcasters who love a good conversation and a meaningful riff, we would certainly welcome the opportunity.
Our latest episode, “Knowing When to Move On,” runs approximately an hour and twenty minutes and will be available Tuesday, November 10. We covered considerable ground, with Donya bringing her usual wisdom, humor, and thoughtful perspective to our conversation. There were many takeaways that I am still processing, but two ideas in particular have stayed with me. Both speak to the importance of remaining grounded in who we are while recognizing when it might be time to embrace a new chapter.
Checking Yourself Along the Way
During our conversation, Donya shared a phrase that has stayed with me: “Check yourself.” Her point was about remaining grounded in our values and remembering who we are beneath the titles, accomplishments, professional attention, and expectations that can gradually consume our lives. It was a reminder that our sense of identity should never become completely dependent on a position, relationship, or the approval of others.
Leadership can become an exhausting pursuit when we lose sight of the person behind the position. We can become so invested in meeting expectations, pursuing opportunities, or maintaining appearances that we neglect the relationships and routines that sustain us. The very things that once gave our lives meaning can gradually become overshadowed by obligations and distractions.
I appreciated Donya’s reminder that checking ourselves is not simply about recognizing our mistakes or questioning our decisions. It is about returning to our home base, the values, people, habits, and experiences that remind us of who we are. There is wisdom in recognizing when our professional responsibilities or personal ambitions begin pulling us away from those essential parts of our lives.
Checking ourselves requires honest reflection. Are we still aligned with our values? Are we investing our energy in people and places that allow us to grow? Are we remaining because we genuinely believe in the work, or because we are afraid of what leaving might mean? These are not always comfortable questions, particularly when the answers challenge the identities we have spent years building.
I am learning that protecting our peace requires the same intentionality that we bring to our professional responsibilities. Time with family, meaningful friendships, creative pursuits, and moments of quiet reflection deserve more than whatever energy remains at the end of an exhausting day. They are essential parts of a life that extends beyond our professional titles.
That sense of alignment also connects to the second idea that resonated throughout our conversation. Once we begin checking ourselves and reflecting on what truly matters, we may discover that certain relationships, responsibilities, or professional positions no longer fit the people we are becoming. Recognizing that possibility requires another kind of wisdom, particularly when loyalty and familiarity make the prospect of change uncomfortable.
Knowing When to Leave the Band
Another significant part of our conversation centered on recognizing when it is time to move on from a relationship, organization, or professional position. I shared with Donya some advice I received from experienced school administrators early in my leadership journey. They told me that there would come a time when I would simply know it was time to leave. At the time, I wondered how anyone could recognize such a moment with confidence.
During my first principalship, I eventually understood their wisdom. I began to recognize that the school community had developed the capacity to sustain its momentum without depending on my daily leadership. The team had grown, the work was moving forward, and I sensed that my contributions had reached a natural turning point. Leaving did not mean that I had stopped caring about the school or the people who made it special. It meant recognizing that the work could continue while I pursued another opportunity for growth.
I think about this in musical terms. The Beatles created an extraordinary body of work before moving in separate directions. George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley experienced tremendous success together as Wham!, yet their partnership eventually gave way to different creative ambitions. John Fogerty’s departure from Creedence Clearwater Revival marked the end of one musical chapter and the beginning of another. These transitions were not always peaceful or painless, but the music created during those years remains meaningful.
The same principle applies to leadership and relationships. We sometimes hold on to people, positions, and organizations because we are afraid of what comes next. We worry about disappointing others, abandoning commitments, or losing the familiarity that has become part of our identity. There is comfort in knowing the music, even when we no longer feel connected to the song.
Yet recognizing when it is time to move on does not mean abandoning something simply because it has become difficult. Not every disagreement signals the end of a relationship, and not every challenging day means that a professional role has lost its purpose. Sometimes growth requires us to remain committed through uncertainty. Other times, wisdom asks us to acknowledge that a chapter has reached its natural conclusion.
Our conversation reminded me that loyalty and growth do not have to exist in opposition. We can remain grateful for the people and experiences that shaped us while acknowledging that our paths may eventually move in different directions. The time we invested and the relationships we developed do not lose their significance simply because circumstances have changed.
This perspective also influences how I think about developing others as a school leader. Early in my career, I sometimes struggled when talented colleagues pursued opportunities beyond our school. I worried about replacing their gifts and maintaining the momentum we had worked so hard to establish. Over time, I came to understand that helping others grow beyond their current roles is one of the most meaningful contributions a leader can make.
Their departure does not diminish what we accomplished together. In many ways, their continued growth becomes part of the legacy of our shared work. A healthy organization should create opportunities for people to discover their potential rather than expecting them to remain in the same roles indefinitely.
Perhaps the most important question is not whether we should remain loyal to the band that helped us find our voice. Perhaps it is whether remaining in that band still allows everyone to make meaningful music. There is something liberating about recognizing that gratitude for the past and hope for the future can exist together.
Sometimes the music changes, and sometimes the band changes. There are also moments when we recognize that we have changed, and the next chapter requires a different rhythm. We can appreciate the songs we created together while remaining open to the music that has yet to be written.
There is grace in recognizing when it is time for a new song, and there is wisdom in knowing when to begin playing it.
Keep the Conversation Going with Real Riffs
This reflection grew from my latest conversation with Dr. Donya Ball on Real Riffs, our monthly podcast where we explore the human side of leadership through honest conversations, personal stories, and the occasional musical analogy. Our seventh episode, “Knowing When to Move On,” arrives Tuesday, November 10. We hope you will join us as we explore the courage to embrace change, the importance of protecting our peace, and the wisdom of recognizing when a new chapter is ready to begin.
You can listen and subscribe to Real Riffs on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and YouTube. We would love for you to become part of our growing community of listeners and thought partners. Thank you for reading, listening, and sharing in these conversations about leadership, growth, and the human experience.
Keep listening. Keep growing. Keep making music.
